Gotta Start With Ribs

Oh, how I do love my ribs.  If I were on death-row (say for the accidental dismemberment of a vegan), and I had to choose my farewell dinner?  I would, without a doubt, choose bbq ribs.  There is something primeval and downright sexy about going to town on a slab of meat that has just been perfectly cooked with fire.  Fire + Meat = Heaven.

It's like going to a strip-club and finding out that they just put a large-screen HDTV in the Champagne Room.  It's like your favorite hockey team (go Sens, f*ck the Leafs) scoring in triple OT of game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final.  It's like watching Pacino in Scarface ("Say hello to my little piggy friend") for the 27th time.  It's like watching a 15-1 shot go three wide heading into the stretch, and then nip out the favorite at the wire when you have him on top of a $50 trifecta ticket.

So here is my method for bbq rib happiness.  I want to preface this recipe by saying that I am NOT a cook.  Nor have I ever been in the employ of any company that is in the hospitality industry (OK, I did deliver pizza for a summer back in college...some interesting stories from that in future blogs maybe???).  I am just a guy who likes to eat guy food.  I got the idea for writing this blog from a friend who has her own blog (check it out at A Matter of Tasty).  But I noticed that most of the cooking blogs out there in the blogosphere were, oh how shall I put it....NOT FOR VAGINALLY-IMPAIRED.  So this is my humble foray into the already crowded world of cooking blogs (feel free to castrate and crucify me with any comments you can toss my way...go on...I DARE YA!!).

Basic Procedure For Rib Nirvana:

1. Trim ribs
2. Rub ribs
3. Braise ribs
4. BBQ ribs
5. Eat ribs

Now I could probably wax poetic here about Texas vs. Memphis ribs.  About side ribs vs. back ribs.  About vinegar based mop sauces vs. sweet tomato based sauces.  About charcoal vs. propane.  There is no doubt that I will touch upon all of these in later blogs.  But in this entry, all I want to talk about is my favorite way to prepare ribs.  Period.  Finito.  End of Story.

Step One - Trim Ribs

Take off the silver skin. Not to be confused with foreskin, silver skin is a membrane that is attached to the underside of the bones. You can't chew it and marinades, rubs and sauces can't penetrate it (I guess the same could be said about foreskin). Silver skin has no place on any respectable rack-o-ribs.

Take a paring knife and pry a little bit off from under a bone (ouch!) at one end of the slab, then grab it with a piece of paper towel and peel the whole thing off.  Easy peasy nice and easy, Bob's yer uncle.

Here is a video on how to do this.

Step Two -  Rub Ribs

The night before, rub your ribs with your favorite dry rub.  I have experimented with several, and this one is my old stand by:

1/4 cup firmly packed brown sugar
1/4 cup paprika (not smoked paprika, we'll get our smokey goodness later)
1 tablespoon cracked black pepper
1 teaspoon white pepper
4 tablespoons coarse salt
3 teaspoons garlic powder
3 teaspoons onion powder
2 teaspoons celery seeds
1 teaspoon cayenne *
1 teaspoon chili powder *
1 teaspoon cumin

* decrease these amounts if you have ever watched "Sex and the City" or have irritable bowel syndrome.

This rub will keep for a very long time in the cupboard with your other spices.  Use liberally on the ribs and take the time to rub it in with your hands.  Store the ribs in an air-tight container, and let it sit in the fridge overnight.

Experiment here.  If you like Indian food, try some curry in your rub.  If you want an Asian flare, add some chinese-five-spice.  There is no right or wrong when it comes to making a rub.  Add what YOU want into the rub.

Step 3 - Braise Ribs

Now I know what I am about to describe here is not technically "braising" (because I am not searing the meat before hand), but I want my cooking blog to sound like a cooking blog so f*ck you (insert what ever girly happy face emoticon you want here).

With the biggest, baddest meat cleaver you can get your mitts on, cut each rack of ribs into two and wrap each 1/2 rack in tin foil.  Then wrap them once more (yes, double wrap these mofo's).  Then place these tin foil wrapped pieces of awesome on a rack in a large roasting pan.  Now here's where my definition of "braising" comes in:  Pour 2 cans of your favorite malt beverage into the bottom of the pan, so that the racked ribs are just barely above the liquid.

Preheat your oven (we will que these bad-boys later) to 200 degrees.  Place your roasting pan in the oven and cook for 4 hours, refilling the bottom of the pan with beer if it evaporates.  Here's where you can experiment a little:  try using a cola, or apple cider, or whatever other liquid tickles your 'nads instead of the beer.

Step 4 - BBQ Ribs

I use a Weber One-Touch Gold kettle charcoal grill for any serious grilling.  If you want to do ribs right, DO IT OVER CHARCOAL!!!!  Propane will do in a bind, but charcoal is king.

Soak your favorite wood chips (I like mesquite for this recipe) in water for 60 minutes.  Get your coals going to a medium temperature (around 300 degrees, or hold your hand over the coals and count 6 Mississippi).  Pour the coals onto one side of the grill (this is called indirect grilling) and place your soaked wood chips directly on the coals (or on your element if using a proprane grill).  Place your  ribs (that you have taken out of the oven) on the other half.  Open the vents on the cover halfway, and put the lid on the que.  Let the ribs indirect cook for 40 minutes.  Optionally spray them every 10 minutes or so with some apple juice or cider or beer (again, use your imagination here) if they look like they are drying out (your coals could be too hot).

During the last 10 minutes of cooking, generously slather on your favorite BBQ sauce.  I will be posting my BBQ sauce recipe in a future blog.

Step 5 - Eat RIbs

Enjoy these ribs with a side of beans, grilled corn on the cob, some corn bread (recipes forthcoming if anyone is interested) and 8 cans of very cold beer.  Then go to a bar and scrap with the first "popped-collar" douchebag you see.

L8er
Verno